


Stop Running Stop Running Stop

by jesstiel (jseca)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x19, Coda, M/M, The Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 22:52:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10751436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jseca/pseuds/jesstiel
Summary: He’s pouring more and more of himself out every time Cas comes back, trying to make him see, to understand that he needs him here; hell, he’s said as much to Cas’s face or over the phone time and again, and maybe there’s still too much angel in him to understand the nuances of human interaction because nothing. Seems.  To stick.





	Stop Running Stop Running Stop

Dean doesn’t _understand_.  How could he?  He’s up against an impossible force, something not of this world, and he’s still unconsciously trying to box him into at least somewhat human norms because after eight years you’d think he might have started to - not conform, but _assimilate_ ; but no.  No matter how hard he tries to understand Castiel’s drives, his motivations, he always finds himself coming up against a wall. **  
**

He’s pouring more and more of himself out every time Cas comes back, trying to make him see, to understand that he needs him here; hell, he’s said as much to Cas’s face and over the phone, time and again, and maybe there’s still too much angel in him to understand the nuances of human interaction because nothing. Seems.  To stick.

Okay, so maybe that’s Dean’s frustration talking, but there’s no lack of justification here.

He’s been stuck on staring at his pillow for the past ten - fifteen? minutes, going over and over the last conversation he and Cas had had in this room.  The mixtape, team free will, the slight glaze to Cas’s eyes that he’s only just noticing in retrospect, betraying the real reason he’d taken it upon himself to bless the Winchesters with his presence.  

He feels like destroying something.

He wants to believe that Cas is sincere; that he considers Sam and Dean as much family as they do him.  That when Dean tells him that they work better together, that he shouldn’t just ‘go dark’, he’s listening.  But when every time he disappears into the ether once more, Dean can’t help but feel like his words are falling on deaf ears, that he’s preaching to a crowd of one: himself.  That putting so much effort into keeping Cas in their lives is becoming more and more of a moot point.

_‘I love you.  I love all of you.’_

Dean scoffs lightly to himself. _Yeah.  Okay.  How about proving it sometime, buddy?_

Not fair, he instantly reprimands himself.  By no means fair.

But still.

_“Hey bud.  Got something for you.”_

_“A… cassette tape?”_

_“Sure.  You take some long rides in that truck, figured you could use some entertainment.”_

_Cas stared down at Dean’s hand, at the offering clutched within it, for a beat too long._

_“Uh, Cas?” Dean shook his proffered hand gently in front of Cas’s face.  “You gonna leave me hanging here, or..?”_

_“I have… a radio…” Cas tried hesitantly, like he wasn’t entirely sure how to process what was going on.  Dean sighed, rubbing his free hand to the back of his neck as the moment got steadily more awkward with each passing moment Cas left the tape hanging in the air._

_“Just… take the damn tape.  It’s,” he hesitated.  “A gift.”_

_Finally, Cas reached out to take it, his fingers brushing over Dean’s as he went.  He still looked baffled, staring down at the tape, then back up at Dean.  The ‘thank you’ he murmured was as sincere as Cas got._

_“Yeah, well.”  Dean stared dumbly at Cas for a second, trying to figure out what to do next.  “Uh.  Good talk.”_

Dean manages a small smile at the memory.  It had been a flash of liquid courage, of knowing that Cas would likely be unaware of the.. implications that go along with giving someone a mix tape. Not enough to follow through on those implications, but.. one step at a time.  Especially when Cas is being so cagey; especially when Dean can’t trust himself to believe that Cas is truly on their side right now.

 _Our lives, man,_ Dean thinks, sighing.   _They just go around and around and around._

Deep down, he knows he’s just angry; he knows that he trusts Cas with his life, that Cas is just trying to find his win.  It’s not his fault Kelly’s completely and utterly lost it.  Poor guy can never catch a break, but Dean wishes it didn’t mean lying and running away from his family.  … He’ll forgive him.  Eventually.  Once they’ve got him out of whatever crap he’s gotten himself into this time, and once he’s given him another lecture that Cas will maybe listen to, maybe take into account.  Maybe.  But he has to try.

After all, it’s what you do for the people you love.

**Author's Note:**

> This episode... frustrated me... lol


End file.
